Karenfornia Surpasses New York For Most Active Cases of the Chinese Flu

Maybe they just need to speak with a MANAGER

Comrades, we have some sour news to share with you today. I know it’s unusual for news to pop-up on the site at this time of night, but worry not, we’ll help you navigate these murky fascist waters and get you thinking korrectly in no time!

The Most Holy & Blessed State of Karenfornia has been a shining example to the rest of us as to how to get it right. By ‘it,’ I mean telling the peasants how to act in “flattening the curve” and to never, ever get sick again. As you all know from the voodoo Facebook-scientists out there, wearing a mask – any mask – while also bowing down to all orders from our Most Holy Politicians absolutely prevents the spread of the Wuhan Wheeze. There is no debate about this absolute fact. Unless of course you are riotingprotesting for social justice or go to a State-approved “essential business.” Then the virus magically chooses to infect other, less obedient wards of the State. We also must remember that the Party has decided to focus on cases, rather than deaths, since the latter brings up the very uncomfortable fact that the fatality rate of the Kung Flu is so low, that we can’t allow people to give up on their fear about it – until they vote for Vacant Comrade Joe Biden in November. Don’t worry about his mental troubles, the Party has solutions for that.

You Know You Know The Thing GIF - YouKnow YouKnowTheThing JoeBiden GIFs
Thank the Lord he didn’t mention that “God” fellow

To further bolster the case for masks, let’s look at the Golden State in more detail. LA county courageously commanded on May 14th that all persons within the county were supposed to wear the Sacred Face Coverings. That was approximately two months ago, for readers in Rio Linda. After enough Karens demanded to speak with a manager, the entire state ordered everyone within their borders to wear a mask on June 18th. As you can see from this handy chart, the results of these actions don’t lie and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that wearing a mask SAVES LIVES and is the MOST PATRIOTIC UNSELFISH THING EVER:

Hmm. Well…whoops. I guess we just won’t publicize that.

Another thing that must be suppressed post-haste is that in the One (Democrat) Party State of Karenfornia, they have surpassed the also Democrat utopian state of New York for active Bat Soup Special cases. Sure, they’re only ahead by 11 cases, but still, the Golden State can feel extra special in that they are now #1 in the country for such cases.

Your Happy Workplace Wendy Conrad GIF - YourHappyWorkplace WendyConrad GoldStar GIFs

I’m sure Dear Leader Gavin Newsome has his Propaganda team furiously working to figure out a way to blame it all on the Bad Orange Man sitting in the White House, while they race to increase the spread by releasing more prisoners out into the general population. What an example of leadership and sensibility!

Of course, real science has shown that the only masks worth a damn are N95s, which still do not filter out 100% of viruses, are expensive and difficult to find – and that keeping your distance and washing your hands are far more effective at preventing infections than any mask. But let’s not miss the forest for the trees here – pretending that masks are as effective as rioting brings all the feelz, and in modern society, nothing is more important and motivating towards destroying society than those.

Spartan Hero

Written by Spartan Hero

I play games, poke fun at society and occasionally write things about politics. Located somewhere in the Rocky Mountains...


Who Will Decide the Replacement for Joe Biden?

CNN’s Don Lemon Claims That “Jesus Christ…Admittedly Was Not Perfect”…Why He’s Wrong and What It Means to Americans