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The Beaver, Wally & Uncle Bruno

Stranger Things…

So Eddie Haskell died the other day.

Ken Osmond, who was neither (as was, uh, long rumored) prodigious porn star John Holmes nor one of The Beehive State’s warbling Osmond Brothers, recently passed from This Mortal Coil to take up eternal celestial residence in the Great Land of Sit-Com Re-Runs in the Sky.

Osmond was 76.  A straight newser commemorating his passing is linked herein.

In case you’re wondering, (which was the point of The Click I suppose) there is a bizarre connection between Leave It to Beaver, Utah music groups and Your Uncle Bruno.

A goodly number of Years Back Your Uncle Bruno was shanghaied off to Orchestra Hall to see the piano playing family The 5 Browns.

(As it subsequently turned out, this Utah clan was  – how to put it delicately – oh hell, it was a damned pree-verted scene of pree-versions and incest and all kinds of sicko shit perpetrated by Papa Brown (asshole) on his children.  There’s even a documentary about the whole deal if you are so inclined to want to read more.)

But Back Then myself and the other concert goers did not have a clue and just went to hear Them 5 Browns tickle them ivories.

And sitting a couple rows behind Uncle Bruno were Wally & The Beaver and their wives.

What ever possessed Jerry Mathers and Tony Dow to go out to a concert on a cold February night in Minneapolis is A Question for The Ages; but there they were.

Now Minnesota Nice Etiquette is pretty clear that you Leave The Famous Alone when they are out and about in Our Fair Burg but once the concert was over and the Exit Queue began I happened to find myself shoulder-to-shoulder with Wally and The Beav as we hit the lobby.

As regular readers of This Blog are aware, Uncle Bruno is not one to stand on Etiquette and so it was That Night.

The following is as best as I recollect My Conversation with the TV Stars of My Youth:

Uncle Bruno: “Hey Beaver, I thought you bit it over in Nam” (which was an unfounded 1960’s era rumor a la Eddie Haskell being Johnny Wadd.)

The Beaver: “What?”

Uncle Bruno: “Yeah man, I thought you were dead.”

Wally:“No man, it was just his career that died.”

At which point The Beav stares daggers at a heartily laughing Wally and scurries away from Uncle Bruno as fast as he can while UB & Wally slap a high five.

Hey, at least I was nice to Jerry Stiller

Bruno Strozek

Written by Bruno Strozek

Bruno Strozek is the author of occasionally semi-coherent piffle and has been a Writer/Editor at Sparta Report since July 2016.

Strozek, along with his alter-egos the decadent, drug-addled Sixties refugee Uncle Bruno and his intolerably feminist SJW Cousin Brunoetta have been riding the not-yet crested wave of deplorability with posts covering politics, sports, entertainment and zombies.

Aptly described as both "hilarious and deeply disturbed" Strozek has enthusiastically embraced the recommendation of the late Raoul Duke that "when the going gets weird the weird turn pro."

Although he has fallen far short of his bucket-list goal of writing for such respectable rags as The National Enquirer and The Weekly World News Strozek is grateful for the opportunity to pen his unhinged screeds at Sparta Report and is constantly amazed and delighted at the reception his pieces receive in the cements.


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