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Plague Report from Minneapolistan

On the ground in The Inner City

Minnesotastan has been shut down.

Here’s my report from the Inner City of Minneapolistan:

Early morning scenes from Panic In the Hood:

Off to the gas station at 6AM. There is a line waiting to get gas.  Undeterred I fill ‘er up (I was 2/3 empty so give me a break.)

Next, The Big Box grocery: Unbelievable amount of people at 630AM. Fresh meat almost picked clean, eggs gone, all rice, dried beans, tortillas and pasta gone.  Canned tuna – nada.  All the good canned soup almost gone. Toilet paper and paper towels selling for a buck a roll.

Lines at check out 10-12 people deep at 7am.

Folks obviously hoarding: a couple of people look like they just went down the aisles and raked whatever was there into their carts.

Several of The Brothers wearing masks and plastic gloves. Old people looking absolutely terrified. Grim faces all around. There was not a WE”RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER vibe.

Heard one guy yelling from the back of the store “I’m gonna lose it ! I’m gonna lose it!”.

It was just like the movies only real life.

Minneapolistan recently instituted a 5 cent per bag (paper or plastic) fee cuz global warming is going to kill us all in 12 years. I noticed that The Harried and Stressed Checkout Clerk was not counting out The Bags this morning – people were just loading and leaving ASAP.

I think she figured I’m not getting paid enough to deal with this shit so I’m not gunna make this worse by telling Panicked People they need to count out bags and pay a fee.

Heard there were 6 street robberies of people just out walking in The Hood yesterday. That’s me; I am a regular walker since The Days of The Late Hound. Also a couple carjackings in the same area. Seems like more random street crime than usual.

Later morning.

Decided to walk up to check out the strip mall too see what was open and not. The bakery, Chinese take out, Dominoes Pizza, Subway, and Mexican place all open. Dollar store and tobacco store also open. Same for hardware store and Ma & Pa grocery.

Caribou closed and so is Asian Nail trim place but barbershop was open.

On the way home through The Hood’s backstreets I saw about 6 other walkers including a 30ish woman (fit & trim!) who was obviously used to having people defer to her. She was coming my way, I was headed her way (Chicken game on!) and then she went out in the street to put 15 feet between us. I smiled and she starred daggers at me. LOL. Eff you honey.

Also saw what might have been The Red SUV that was described in The Muggings yesterday but it drove on.

Finally I noticed  two of The Brothers at the bus stop in clad in parkas, face masks and mittens even though it’s pushing 40 outside right now.

I have decided I have to live through this just for the Sheer Entertainment Value alone.

Hell, it’s not yet noon and and I’ve already Lived Life more fully than 10 Other Men today.

Will provide updates on The Great Hunkering Down as it unfolds

Spartans, Ya’ll Be Careful Out There and Stay Well!


Bruno Strozek

Written by Bruno Strozek

Bruno Strozek is the author of occasionally semi-coherent piffle and has been a Writer/Editor at Sparta Report since July 2016.

Strozek, along with his alter-egos the decadent, drug-addled Sixties refugee Uncle Bruno and his intolerably feminist SJW Cousin Brunoetta have been riding the not-yet crested wave of deplorability with posts covering politics, sports, entertainment and zombies.

Aptly described as both "hilarious and deeply disturbed" Strozek has enthusiastically embraced the recommendation of the late Raoul Duke that "when the going gets weird the weird turn pro."

Although he has fallen far short of his bucket-list goal of writing for such respectable rags as The National Enquirer and The Weekly World News Strozek is grateful for the opportunity to pen his unhinged screeds at Sparta Report and is constantly amazed and delighted at the reception his pieces receive in the cements.


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