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Nancy Pelosi Sips On Sizzurp During Iran Attack

“Closely monitoring the situation…”

Nancy Pelosi Maialano Mare

Right now the mullahs of Iran are launching waves of missiles at American military targets inside Iraq. Reports have indicated that at least two military bases have been hit by missile fire, although casualties are unconfirmed at the moment.

The Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi tweeted a little over an hour ago that she was “monitoring the situation.” Naturally, she took the opportunity to blame President Trump for inciting the Iranian regime which has been fighting a proxy war against America for over 40 years.

Surely this means Nancy Pelosi is glued to several televisions while liaising with contacts in both the State Department and the Department of Defense as she fields calls from her counterparts in allied nations across the globe. Right?

Nope. Turns out Nancy Pelosi is right where you’d expect her to be. Bellied up to the bar getting lit.

According to the restaurant’s website, the Maialano Mare sounds like a pretty swanky place:

Maialino Mare, a contemporary trattoria from Danny Meyer’s Union Square Hospitality Group located in the Thompson Washington D.C, reimagines the flavors and comfort of Rome’s Mediterranean locale for The District. Our menus showcase seafood pastas and whole-roasted fish, complemented by a robust Italian wine list and beautiful, rustic desserts.

Executive Chef Rose Noel draws inspiration from Roman trattorias to create seasonally inspired Italian fare that celebrates our relationships with local farmers and fishers.

Situated near Nationals Park in the Navy Yard, the restaurant is open for dinner, with brunch and other meals coming soon. Maialino Mare offers seasonal outdoor seating and private dining options.

Bonus, they’re a non-tipping restaurant as well:

Our team at Maialino Mare participates in a revenue share. We are a non-tipping restaurant.

It gets worse. Apparently, Vice President Pence attempted to call Nancy in order to brief her on the situation.

Nancy Pelosi blew him off.

Nancy Pelosi is “closely monitoring” the situation…from the bottom of a fifth of vodka and a couple of cosmopolitans.



Written by Radius

Radius refuses to post a bio. Website bios simply serve to prop up the cis-gendered patriarchy of the manocentric maleocracy. Also we must #Resist Trump because racism I guess.

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