If you may recall, I wrote back in September If there is truly a God, we will get our impeachment. Well by God, we’ve got one and it’s time to update my article.
We have our Articles of Impeachment written with real words on real paper saying exactly what “high crimes and misdemeanors” the President is guilty of. Of course, there aren’t any “high crimes and misdemeanors” but rather “Orange Man Bad.”
It turns out that my original article was pretty well spot on so with just a few adjustments. Let’s get on with the trial and start off with some theater —
I want Barack Obama subpoenaed and I want President Trump to look Barack Obama right in the face and ask “when did you have suspicions that the Russians might be trying to influence the election? Why didn’t you immediately inform my campaign so we could increase our security? Did you consult with anyone on the Hillary campaign to come to that decision?”
I want Adam Schiff subpoenaed and I want him to testify under oath exactly who gave him what information and when.
I want the whistleblower questioned under oath. Accused have a right to face their accuser and I want Donald Trump in the room. We cannot set the precedent that whistleblower laws protect participants in a coup.
I want everyone associated with the “dossier” brought in and questioned under oath. That includes MI-6 spy Christopher Steele. And I don’t want to hear any other answer other than “we’ll put him on the next plane.” Any other answer results in “that’s fine. A Navy Seal extraction team is en route. Don’t even think about fucking with them.”
I want to have the President of the Ukraine come to America and testify.
I want Scott Adams to testify just to hock his book Loserthink. It might be the only useful thing that comes out of Shampeachment.
I want Prince Harry and Meghan Markel to testify just for the humor and ratings value. They really don’t have anything to do with this but neither did a bunch of folks that the Democrats called as witnesses.
I also don’t see why Vladmir Putin shouldn’t make the trip as well. I want him and the Russians Mueller identified to testify be it on video on in person.
I want to see the cast from the FBI asked “What is the definition of a coup? Do you think what you did constitutes an attempted coup?”
I want the Republican floor managers to grow a spine so that we listen to as little speechifying from all the Senators as possible. I think we all know what you think.
Let’s let Bernie testify. I think it’s only fair since it looks like the only real loser in the Shampeachment is Bernie who has to be there as a juror.
I also want the fake news dealt with. Let’s get them all up there. “When you published a story with anonymous sources, did you actually have a source or did you just make it up?” “What is your definition of a coup?” “Do you think that news organizations can be participants in a coup?” “Were you a participant in a coup?”
I also don’t care how long this takes. If it takes three, or four, or five months to have this trial, let’s do it. Every bit of it!
And then let’s vote to declare President Trump not guilty and get on with his second term.