When in the course of human events the winner of the coveted Annual Gassiest Gobbler Award is so overwhelmingly odious and obvious it’s best to pass on the potatoes, dressing, gravy and green beans and get right to the carving of The Turkey.
In years past The Gobbler Committee composed of Uncle Bruno, Cousin Brunoetta and seated at the head of the table, your electronic host Bruno Strozek, have endured pie fight after pie fight to pick the winner but this year’s choice is a Turkey of such Tonnage that all the face-smushing histrionics were thankfully rendered moot.
So without further ado, the drumstick roll please…
The winner of the 2019 Gassiest Gobbler Award is: Special Counsel Robert Mueller.
As point man for The Resistance during the two years long Russian Collusion Hoax investigation, ol’ Bob oversaw the daily distribution of disinformation, smears and outright lies designed to discredit, disable and ultimately remove President Trump.
Bombshell Bobby could be counted on for weekly leaks of pulp fiction propaganda to the Resistance allies in the mainstream media.
But like The Wizard of Oz, when the curtain was pulled away during his testimony last summer The Mule was revealed to be nothing more than a fake – a pathetic, incoherent, doddering old coot whose bullschiff was well past it’s sell-by date.
If ever there was A Turkey destined to be the unanimous choice for the Gassiest Gobbler it was you.
Previous Gassiest Gobbler Award nominees and winners:
Editor’s note : “Gassiest Gobbler” is a homage to Sparta Report’s first incarnation as Hot Gas.