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The Fourth Annual Gassiest Gobbler Awards – 2019 edition

Let the carving commence

When in the course of human events the winner of the coveted Annual Gassiest Gobbler Award is so overwhelmingly odious and obvious it’s best to pass on the potatoes, dressing, gravy and green beans and get right to the carving of The Turkey.

In years past The Gobbler Committee composed of Uncle Bruno, Cousin Brunoetta and seated at the head of the table, your electronic host Bruno Strozek, have endured pie fight after pie fight to pick the winner but this year’s choice is a Turkey of such Tonnage that all the face-smushing histrionics were thankfully rendered moot.

So without further ado, the drumstick roll please…

The winner of the 2019 Gassiest Gobbler Award is: Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

As point man for The Resistance during the two years long Russian Collusion Hoax investigation, ol’ Bob oversaw the daily distribution of disinformation, smears and outright lies designed to discredit, disable and ultimately remove President Trump.

Bombshell Bobby could be counted on for weekly leaks of pulp fiction propaganda to the Resistance allies in the mainstream media.

But like The Wizard of Oz, when the curtain was pulled away during his testimony last summer The Mule was revealed to be nothing more than a fake – a pathetic, incoherent, doddering old coot whose bullschiff was well past it’s sell-by date.

Congratulations Bobster.

If ever there was A Turkey destined to be the unanimous choice for the Gassiest Gobbler it was you.

 

Previous Gassiest Gobbler Award nominees and winners:

2018

2017

2016

 

Editor’s note :  “Gassiest Gobbler” is a homage to Sparta Report’s first incarnation as Hot Gas.

 

 

 

 

 
Bruno Strozek

Written by Bruno Strozek

Bruno Strozek is the author of occasionally semi-coherent piffle and has been a Writer/Editor at Sparta Report since July 2016.

Strozek, along with his alter-egos the decadent, drug-addled Sixties refugee Uncle Bruno and his intolerably feminist SJW Cousin Brunoetta have been riding the not-yet crested wave of deplorability with posts covering politics, sports, entertainment and zombies.

Aptly described as both "hilarious and deeply disturbed" Strozek has enthusiastically embraced the recommendation of the late Raoul Duke that "when the going gets weird the weird turn pro."

Although he has fallen far short of his bucket-list goal of writing for such respectable rags as The National Enquirer and The Weekly World News Strozek is grateful for the opportunity to pen his unhinged screeds at Sparta Report and is constantly amazed and delighted at the reception his pieces receive in the cements.

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