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The Climate Change – Tennessee Earthquake Connection Revealed!

Earthquakes in Tennessee?

Forest fires in California?

Lakes icing over in Michigan, Wisconsin & Minnesota?

What, you may ask, is the connection?

Well, here at the Strozek Institute of Climatalogical Seismology our cracked team of researchers are happy to provide The Answer to Your Question.

As our institutional moniker implies, the not-quite-yet-rocket-scientists in our employ who study Such Things have long theorized the Missing Link between Global Warming Climate Change and Mother Gaia’s seemingly non-stop predilection to move plates around on the Earth’s table would someday be put into real-world application.

When there’s a Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On this close to Memphis and the Tomb of the King, well, you know there’s Big Trouble brewing for this soon to be un-inhabitable celestial sphere.

While our Computer Models may theoretically predict there might be a positive correlation between the planet’s surface temperatures and the occasional movements of the crusty mantle beneath out collective feets no Actual Evidence has existed until now.

Ergo…

Anyone familiar with the Freeze-Thaw Theory knows that freezing causes contraction, thawing begets expansion and woe unto those who Deny this Settled Science.

If you take the collected wisdom of our team of Cracked Scientists and throw them into the Theoretical Pot the conclusion is inescapable:

Fires in California heat the world’s surface to a point of instability; then when Canadian Cold Fronts cool the waters of the upper mid-west to the point of freezing an untenable Freeze/Thaw situation is created which manifests itself through globalized pressure release hither and yon in the hillbilly hollows of Davy Crockett country.

Don’t think you’re alone as you read this with forehead slapping clarity – the SISC has been making heads hurt since it’s founding of 35 – 40 minutes ago.

Remember the Strozek Institute of Climatalogical Seismology motto:

 

You Could Do Worse Than To Settle On Our Science!

 

 
Bruno Strozek

Written by Bruno Strozek

Bruno Strozek is the author of occasionally semi-coherent piffle and has been a Writer/Editor at Sparta Report since July 2016.

Strozek, along with his alter-egos the decadent, drug-addled Sixties refugee Uncle Bruno and his intolerably feminist SJW Cousin Brunoetta have been riding the not-yet crested wave of deplorability with posts covering politics, sports, entertainment and zombies.

Aptly described as both "hilarious and deeply disturbed" Strozek has enthusiastically embraced the recommendation of the late Raoul Duke that "when the going gets weird the weird turn pro."

Although he has fallen far short of his bucket-list goal of writing for such respectable rags as The National Enquirer and The Weekly World News Strozek is grateful for the opportunity to pen his unhinged screeds at Sparta Report and is constantly amazed and delighted at the reception his pieces receive in the cements.

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