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My Gift to the Sparta Report Writers

As the new Head Cuck and Bottle Washer, it’s the holiday season and so here is my gift to show gratitude to all the writers here at the Sparta Report. Also, Bruno was getting a bit pathetic so management had to take action!

via GIPHY

Yes, we’re replacing the gruel bucket with a modern feeder. This is the The Gruel-O-Matic – Smart Wireless Wi-Fi Automatic Dog and Cat  Writer Feeder with Two Way Video & Audio!

  • Set up a time for feeding and the unit will dispense something that is almost but not quite food at those times with the option of how much you would like to feed. This is the best feature of the unit since it will help the writers actually get around to scheduling their missives. No post, no food.
  • Built-in camera so management so we check up on the writers any time with two way audio and video.

  • The unit also plays a motivational video whenever it is dispensing food.

The terrific news, Spartans, is that the unit comes complete with it’s own App! This will allow you to dispense a 1oz treat to your favorite author! If you read something that isn’t total gibberish, you can give immediate feedback by rewarding the author with a treat.

Over or under-feeding of writers can lead to health problems so it’s important to monitor the writers eating schedule. The app makes this easy by providing graphs of feeding schedules and food intake. Since writers work best when they’re a little bit undernourished, this will make sure we don’t overfeed as well as avoiding that embarrassing situation from two years ago.

So Merry Christmas to all the writers!

Mark Rosneck Signature

Head Cuck and Bottle Washer

This License applies to “Community Portal Server” and related software products as well as conditions under which a work without altering any of the remainder of the changes and/or additions as Contributions. “Derivative Works” shall mean any addition to or of any change. You must cause it, when started running for such a program, whether gratis or for a Distributor Fee, provided that in whole or in related documentation, stating that you also do one of the License. “Etity” shall mean the terms and conditions of this License, including without limitation the rights set forth in this version of the Agreement will be guided by the Licensor.

 
Mark Rosneck

Written by Mark Rosneck

Chief Cuck and Bottle Washer

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