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Lindsey Sterling Christmas Concert

She’s no rock star!

Following along with our annual pilgrimage to the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert, we took in our first Lindsey Sterling concert. Stirling is a violinist known for dancing about the stage like a deranged pixie who’s stepped into a pile of fire ants.

Stirling was kicked off the 2010 season of Americas Got Talent where noted music aficionado Sharon Osbourne said “You need to be in a group. … What you’re doing is not enough to fill a theater in Vegas.” She did pretty well filling the arena in Colorado last night although it’s possible people were just trying to get inside against our horrible 50 degree weather. Of course, we’re so starved for entertainment out here that the Denver Broncos are still filling Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium. (Note 1)

After losing Americas Got Talent, she went on to be the first loser on Dancing With The Stars with partner Mark Ballas. She suffered a supposed rib injury during the show. Whether this was fake news we’ll never know because there is no evidence. There’s supposedly an x-ray but I haven’t seen it!

As to the show itself, Stirling failed to deliver the kind of heavy metal, hard driving rock sound that TSO does! It also wasn’t so loud you couldn’t hear yourself think. The lighting was good but there weren’t any lasers! I feel totally robbed. There also weren’t any large fire balls and there weren’t any dragons or helicopters.

Another area where TSO excels and Stirling fails to match is in hairography. Both the men and women in TSO have hairography down to an art as they flip their long locks through each number. The men, in particular, seem to take great pride in their hairography! There wasn’t much hair flipping during the Stirling show.

For this next bit, you should remove all children from the room lest they hear something controversial.

There were actual references in the show to God, Jesus, and angels. I’m surprised we weren’t raided by some government entity or other. There was no attempt at inclusiveness for Muslims, Jews, or atheists. I’m particularly concerned that atheists might have been offended by coming to a Christmas concert and having to be subjected to messages about Christ.

There were some cute bits and Stirling showed once again why you should never perform with children or animals. Well, OK, that bit was cute as well.

And when did that Hallelujah song from Shrek ever become a Christmas song? It’s actually a song about broken relationships. But what the hell, I think it’s an awesome song anyway and if we can wrench a beautiful song about sex away to use it to celebrate Christmas, I’m all for it.

In summary, Lindsey Stirling isn’t a rock star at least not in the literal sense. But if you can look beyond that, it was a very enjoyable evening.

Note 1: Sports Authority went bankrupt which caused a rather large kerfuffle and a bit of an embarrassment. This was solved (eventually) by taking down the Sports Authority sign and replacing it with “Broncos Stadium at Mile High.” Regardless, we sill refer to it as Mile High Stadium and the whole selling of the naming rights stupidly is something all Coloradoans agree on.

 

 
Mark Rosneck

Written by Mark Rosneck

Chief Cuck and Bottle Washer

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