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When the Caravan Arrives, What Happens?

Will President Trump Have a Plan?

“Mr. President, it looks like the caravan will be here right on schedule for the mid-terms!”

“Tell them to go back. They will not be admitted into the United States unless they go through the legal process. This is an invasion of our Country and our Military will be waiting for them.”

“Well, Mr. President, we can’t exactly do that. We have a really complex procedure.”

“So if they appear at a port of entry, they’ll be let in?”

“Probably, Mr. President, since they have all been taught to say the magic words first.”

“Magic words? What magic words?”

“If the person says they will be persecuted on account of race, religion, nationality, membership in a particular social group, or political opinion if returned to his or her home country and is able to convince an interviewer they’re being truthful, they are sent for a second interview.”

“I don’t like magic words!”

“Sorry, Mr. President, that’s the law.”

“Well, it’s stupid. So what happens to them next?”

“If they pass the second interview, they’re sent to a detention center to wait for their case to be adjudicated by an immigration judge.”

“So, let me guess, it can take years for their case to be — what did you call it? — ‘adjudicated.’ And we have the same mess with families who request asylum as well as unaccompanied minors because no matter how nice these places are, it’s still pretty much jail and that can’t be good.”

“Yes, Mr. President. There is a process called ‘parole’ where detainees can be released into the United States while their case is waiting to be heard. As you know Attorney General Sessions has said that more than half of asylum applicants released on parole never show up for their court hearings, proving that their claim of fear was simply a ruse to enter the country illegally.”

“How many cases are waiting to be adjudicated?”

“In fiscal year 2018, there are 714,067 pending asylum applications and only about 3 percent of current asylum seekers will be granted asylum, Mr. President.”

“These immigration laws are just plain stupid! At least we can deport them if they come in illegally!”

“I’m sorry, Mr. President, but that’s illegal.”

“Explain to me why I can remove someone who’s in the country illegally!”

“Well, Mr. President, if they are in the country and request asylum by saying the magic words, their asylum request will be processed. This is call ‘Defensive Asylum’ to prevent a deportation.”

“So let me get this straight. If they’re legitimately coming here to seek asylum, we throw them in jail and then we may still send them back. If they just jump the border and come in illegally, they can go about their lives and won’t be deported unless they come to the attention of ICE for having a felony or something like that. And even then that might take years.”

“Yes, Mr. President.”

“I thought we fixed a lot of this when we expanded expedited removals?”

“Well, Mr. President, as it now stands, this gives ICE the authority to immediately remove illegals who have been in the United States 14 days or less if they encounter them within 100 miles of the U.S. border with either Mexico or Canada. However, it would not apply to refugees, asylees, or asylum seekers; at least not in theory.”

“What do you mean in theory?”

“Actually, Mr. President, President Obama got into some hot water from reports by asylum-seeking families, adults, and even unaccompanied minors fleeing Mexico and Central America who were systematically turned away by Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agents along the U.S.-Mexico border. His supporters were disappointed that he saw this as an enforcement issue and not a humanitarian issue.”

“It’s no different today except I’m trying to do exactly the same thing he did but the fake news is all about making it seem like I’m the villain here! The villain is Congress for not addressing this set of horrible laws before things got to this point.”

“Yes Mr. President.”

“Fortunately, I have a plan. What we’re going to do is . . . ”

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE WHERE PRESIDENT TRUMP WILL ANNOUNCE HIS PLAN.

 
Mark Rosneck

Written by Mark Rosneck

Site owner and whipping boy. Posting entirely in whiteface.

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