Part Deaux finds us taking a perverted peek at the next three months of 2017, The Year of the Gloating. The Site formerly known as Hot Gas was picking up speed and hookers while climbing the Cliffs of Insanity. Strangely, the World did not end and the seas did not rise as predicted by grant-receiving pseudo-scientists. The Stock Market failed to crash too, much to the consternation of professional quacks spewing their quackery. We left off with March and sexually assaulted goats and now head into the Golden Showers of April.
April- Goresuch the Liberator was confirmed and the liberal faces were raised to the sky and cried their wee liddle hearts out because THAT SEAT WAS THEIRS, DAMMIT. Their tears were most delicious to the taste, and it gave hope that McConnell might, just might, help Trump. Maybe. We just don’t know yet. Trump then, while dining with chocolate cake and two scoops of ice cream with Xi , bombed the $%^& out of a Syrian airfield because someone in the bowels of a Syrian compost station used chemical weapons that didn’t exist from Iraq who never had them. Or so the UN said. Finally, after numerous gradeschool stalling tactics and holding of breath by the Cucks and Liberals, all of Trumps cabinet picks were confirmed, and the Earth shook, Mountains were made low, and the waters of the Red Sea parted. Fake News continued its assault on faking fakery, facetiously flaunting frivolously forsaken factoids of foolish f$%#erry. The S&P indexes had the 2nd highest gain in a presidents first 100 days, coming after JFK and Boosh the Elder Uniparty-ist. In the land of the Baguette and White Flags, France elects a cuckolded man married to a twig-like schoolmarm who molested the young boy and dresses like a 60’s anorexic scarecrow, instead of a woman who wanted to, you know, stop Islam. Trump also opened up the entire Northern Hemisphere to oil drilling. Well, not really, just around Northern Alaska, some parts of the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. Then Trump then decided on whim, and a 100 dollar bet by Mattis that he wouldn’t MOAB the S%$T out of ISIS in Afghanistan. Millions died on the uncalled-for attack that Brian Williams was personally there to witness the atrocity. April Showers of ISIS body parts then brought upon the Nation the next month…..
May- Trump fired Comey and 10,000 people died immediately! Cries of obstruction echoed throughout the land! Trump was finished!! Again! For the 110th time! They had him for sure here!, Except, they didn’t. Again. Liberals objected to the fact the Trump had the authority to fire a subordinate who the libs hated for damaging Her Thighnesses chance at the throne. A Constitutional Crisis of epicness erupted for a couple weeks , but the 9th Circuit wouldn’t rule against it at the time because one of their members was diddling someone. Comey later claimed to have taken notes in his meeting with Trump which CNN saw, which Comey said no one has seen, which he won’t share with anyone, and CNN said they haven’t actually, you know, seen the memo. Mueller the Muttonhead began his quest for the Grail, trying to find urine-stained Russian hooker collusion influence meddling with Trumps staff of little Hitlers. Trump finds time to travel to the Middle East and decides to partake in the Sword Dance , cutting off Hillarys testicles, and the House of Saud proclaims they will seek to be “moderate” islam, causing a trembling in the land. Trump, King Salmon, and Sauroman place their hands on the Orb of Power to bring a changing dynamic to the flea-infested sand trap. Hillary is seen wandering in forests with Frodo trying to gain back her Precious from those nasty hobbitses who stole it. Global Warming scare-mongers said that the Earth was heating up more and more and that 1/3rd of all humanity would be dead by the end of the year. People in Arizona called the troubling times “Summer.” IN Montana, another Special Election was called and the Republican candidate beat the living s%$t out of a reporter, tearing his arm from its socket and breaking both his legs. After being charged with a misdemeanor, he won the election. May flowers sprung up just in time for the month of….
June – was weird. Trump was finished again. His presidency in shambles. According to the Fame News Network. There was a “Special Election in the Peach State that the Dems were sure to win which would signal the democrats were on the March to impeach Trump before Guam tipped over, so said CNN and the experts of buffoonery. Except that the Republican won. Trump then had a raucous rally in Iowa denouncing CNN, wasted dollars overseas, announcing he would likely withdraw from the Paris Accord(causing many environmentalists to clutch pearls and faint in their safe spaces) and the Washington Compost said he lied about everything, which the 9th Circuit upheld. Earlier in the month, Trump went to Portland, a hotbed of antifa stupidity, and had a gay old time. The Portland police ended up pepper-balling the living s%#t out of protestors. Illegal Immigrations numbers went down for some unknown reason and the stock market still didn’t crash which was supposed to have done back in January. ISIS was surrounded in Iraq city of Mosul, which Obama and McCain wanted ISIS to take to establish their caliphate. But, by the grace of St. Mattis, they were bombed to oblivion. ISIS, not Obama or McCain.