The Chronicles of the Trump
1. A missile riseth, and flies over the Land of the Rising Sun, and the waters are troubled, for the Round Mound of Fatitude crieth out for money and respect and stompeth his feet in the dust. A tantrum, I shitteth ye not, like the liberals of this land throweth.
2. And Trump summoneth his Minister of Economic Warfare to take on the Dragon of the East, to spur them to reigneth in their ronery one, for verily verily I say unto you, that the dragon dost control the Fatty, and useth it to gain favor with the world.
3. And the Minister revealeth his plan, but only a glimpse. For he openeth an investigation of Trade, to expose the abuses of the dragon upon all comers.
4. And the dragon blinketh, and calleth for talks, that their favor of trade remaineth with them
5. But Trump waveth his hand, and telleth the dragon to piss off. He set his teeth against it, and standeth firm . For he knoweth that the dragon must heel , and he taketh measures to bring it to pass.
6. Behold, Trump refuseth the 6 party talks at this time, and issues forth a proclamation against all countries that doeth business with the Rocket Man. For Trump sayeth that he will cut off all business with those who continue to aid Fatty, and entertaineth no thought to their jackassery.
7. See the past, and learn! For past presidencies preferreth to feed the dragon and Rocket Man, and the cycle continueth with impunity. And all the experts of charlatanery are dumbfounded, for Trump followeth not their advice, which hast proven to be a failure upon them, but hidden as success by the proletariats of the media and punditry.
8. Didst not the Korea of the North obtain nukes under a democrat? Were we not promised peace in our time? We were given words of comfort, but the actions cutteth us to the bone.
9. And Bush the Younger doeth nothing, and the North buildeth up and rattleth its saber, and the experts capitulate to sooth the beast.
10. And the Immaculate Kenyan letteth the North build missiles of greater strength, and laugheth it off and payeth the bribe. Thus we see that those previous kicketh the can down the road, and bringeth a nuclear issue to intense consternation, and they yet issued words of strong condemnation to the Round Mound, and he and the dragon laugheth at them.
11. But Trump sayeth “no more” and crusheth the can with his foot. For he knoweth this land must stand up and cower no longer.
12. And verily, verily, I say unto you, that the dragon cutteth off its banking from Fatty, the Round Mound, so it loseth not its trade with this land. The dragon blinketh again, as it must have trade with this land. And so goes the battle of wits with the dragon, Trump, and the Fatty, who continueth his words of bringing death to us.
13. But the Navy is near Korea, and standeth by. Not to fire upon Fatty but to not collide with other ships of the sea.
14. And Trump speaketh at the United Nations, a pit of vipers if ever one existeth.
15. And he delivereth a speech that spoke bluntly of the UN and its ineptness, and the troubles facing thwe world like none has ever done. Yea, Bibi praiseth it , Limbaugh loveth it more than Oxycontin, and Ol’ Yeller heapeth his praise upon it as well.
16. For Trump boldly spoke of radical Islamic terrorism, and great was the relief of others, as they expresseth concern he didst not use that term in a previous speech. He calleth out the nations to rid themselves of the muslim brotherhood, as Sisi in Egypt had done.
17. And Trump sayeth to all that he will crush Fatty and his land. “He clazy!” sayeth the Fatty, “ Horry shitt!” And the world waiteth for the Rodman to descend upon Fatty, to speak to him to back off, and earneth a Nobel Prize.
18. And Trump telling the den of pedophiles that he will put America first and won’t be taken advantage of, like presidents of old. He rageth against those nations that doeth business with Fatty and his regime, yet crieth about the thrats Fatty possesses. He layeth bare their nakedness to all, and telleth the UN that they have failed.
19. Then Trump turneth his eye upon Iran, which he labeleth as a rogue regime that seeks not to empower its people but to enslave them. Yea, he calleth them out for their funding of terrorism, which the Kenyan giveth billions to them knowing it will fund said terrorism. But he careth not.
20. For Trump spoke plainly to all, so that all could understand his words. He calleth the deal the Kenyan giveth as the worst in history, slamming the Bammy with truth. Yea, he telleth them that socialism doesn’t work of the people. And there was much weeping and wailing , and gnashing of teeth. At Turtle Bay.
21. But lo, they clappeth! Yea, they clappeth for Trump and his words.
22. And the Leader of Afcrapistan telleth the world that Trump is better than the Baca Boy of Kenya. But waiteth!, there’s more! For he meeteth with Abbas, Bibi, Abdullah of Jordan, and the Amir of Qatar as well.
23. And Macron, the Mistress of a schoolteacher, questioneth the deal with Iran, and seeketh to get rid of it. Europe gasped and clutcheth their pearls.
24. The Gloater delighteth in Trump, but others do not. Yea, it is a free country that our forebears fought for, for one to speak their mind.
25. But the road filleth with darkness, and there is much that concerneth the people of this land.
26. Yet here we are, and not even a year into the Trump. Unpredictable, confusing, and I loveth it. To bear witness to these times, the Gloater doeth.