Allow me to present you with some gobbledygook:

The State Department has expelled two diplomats from Cuba’s Embassy in Washington following a series of unexplained incidents in Cuba that left U.S. officials there with physical symptoms.

A State Department official said the two Cubans were asked to leave the U.S. in May after Americans in Cuba “reported incidents which have caused a variety of physical symptoms.” The official could not say what the symptoms were or provide details about the incidents. The official was not authorized to speak publicly on the matter and spoke on condition of anonymity.

The official said the department did not have definitive explanations for the incidents but has reminded Cuba of its international obligation to protect foreign diplomats. The official said the Cuban government had assured the U.S. that it is investigating.

And now, allow me to translate this gobbledygook:

Cuban government agents/goons attacked our diplomats and injured them, probably seriously. We are reluctant to admit this, because it would look bad that we can’t protect our own people. Therefore, we will expel Cuban diplomats and explain it’s because our guys came down with “physical symptoms.” You know, like the flu. If the flu’s symptoms were bruises, bleeding, and broken teeth, anyway.

It probably would have been better for the government to just say nothing rather than this “physical symptoms” idiocy.