How the Green Busybodies Ruined the Old Red Gas Can

This is the post I have thought about writing for so long that somebody else wrote it for me.

Score One for the Tao of Wally, whereby if you wait long enough and drag your feet hard enough you will be rewarded beyond measure:

So here comes this guy, one Jeff Tucker of something called and damn if he doesn’t just nail it:

It’s like the barbarian invasions that wrecked Rome, taking away the gains we’ve made in bettering our lives. It’s the bureaucrats’ way of reminding market producers and consumers who is in charge.

The government never said “no vents.” It abolished them de facto with new standards that every state had to adopt by 2009. So for the last three years, you have not been able to buy gas cans that work properly. They are not permitted to have a separate vent. The top has to close automatically. There are other silly things now, too, but the biggest problem is that they do not do well what cans are supposed to do.

An ominous regulatory announcement from the EPA came in 2007: “Starting with containers manufactured in 2009… it is expected that the new cans will be built with a simple and inexpensive permeation barrier and new spouts that close automatically.”

I had a couple of old five gallon cans Up at the Cabin by the Lake in the North Woods for filling the Ski Boat that I nursed along for years but finally the plastic got so thin I hadta chuck ’em and buy one of these new pieces of shit.

Then I bought a second nozzle and following the surgical procedure outlined on a YouTube vid I gutted the sumbitch to specification. Now I swap the nozzles out when I need to pour versus store.

If El Donaldo does anything before Labor Day I hope he draws a Big Red “X” thru this idiotic regulation.

That’s the kinda MAGA we’re all looking for…

Bruno Strozek

Written by Bruno Strozek

Bruno Strozek is the author of occasionally semi-coherent piffle and has been a Writer/Editor at Sparta Report since July 2016.

Strozek, along with his alter-egos the decadent, drug-addled Sixties refugee Uncle Bruno and his intolerably feminist SJW Cousin Brunoetta have been riding the not-yet crested wave of deplorability with posts covering politics, sports, entertainment and zombies.

Aptly described as both "hilarious and deeply disturbed" Strozek has enthusiastically embraced the recommendation of the late Raoul Duke that "when the going gets weird the weird turn pro."

Although he has fallen far short of his bucket-list goal of writing for such respectable rags as The National Enquirer and The Weekly World News Strozek is grateful for the opportunity to pen his unhinged screeds at Sparta Report and is constantly amazed and delighted at the reception his pieces receive in the cements.


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