AG Sessions: Mr. President, I’m getting really concerned about getting money for the wall.
President Trump: Don’t worry about it Jeff. I’ve got it covered. The one thing I know how to do is get money for a construction project! Now if you don’t mind, I have another appointment in a moment. We’ll talk about financing the wall a bit later.
AG Sessions: OK. Mr. President.
AG Sessions: Wait . . . a . . . minute. That can’t be? That’s not Edward Snowden!
Present Trump: No . . . no . . . it’s not. Come in.
Edward Snowden: My name . . . José Jiménez.
AG Sessions: Funny. You look a lot like . . . never mind.
President Trump: Cut the crap, Edward. Did you get the real copy of the NSA ransomware I sent you?
Edward Snowden: Yes I did, Donald. Since we’re business partners, can I still call you “Donald”?
President Trump: Yes, Edward. Well?
Edward Snowden: Well, the first thing I did was send out the version the NSA could track to the “Shadow Brokers” like you asked. And then I launched the real version and it’s doing quite well.
President Trump: And?
Edward Snowden: About 75% of the computers that are infected are in Russia as you wished. I think you have about $11.3B in the bank so far as the Russians pay the ransoms. You know, my friend President Putin isn’t going to be real happy about this.
President Trump: Stuff it Edward. Now who’s your daddy?
Edward Snowden: You are, Mr. Presi. . . Donald. I do have one itty, bitty issue. Living in the White House is a lot better than where I was in Russia but it’s a bit . . . confining.
President Trump: Well, Edward. I was going to grab an SR-71 to visit Vlad this weekend. You can ride in the third seat if you want to go home.
Edward Snowden: But there’s only two seats in that plane!
President Trump: Exactly, Edward.
Edward Snowden: Never mind. I’ll go see if I can drum you up a few billion more. There’s some companies in Silicon Valley that might be fun to play with. And maybe I’ll order a few more terabytes of memory. And lunch.
President Trump: You do that, Edward. You do that.