1. Mine hundredth day draweth nigh, and I still sitteth on the throne. For mine enemies have sought to dethrone me with silly Russian tales and stalleth mine appointments to vex me.
2. Though I cannot do all things, I doeth enough to help this country for the time of my appointment. I knoweth what I know, yet the Cuck and Liberal seeketh to shake me from my path, not knowing the shit of Jack.
3. I mocketh them on Twitter, that my words go forth without the interpretation of the lying scoundrels that seek to tell the people what I meaneth. They are deceivers and throwers of dung at walls.
4. For I do not need them, as they are liars. They fornicate amongst themselves and sacrifice babes and coddle the Muslim who seeketh to cut their throats.
5. Lo, look at what I have done, despite the slowness of Congress. I have bombed the shit out of mine enemies, yet I have not invaded. I serveth notice to friend and foe alike that I am not a Cuck-willed, mom-jean wearing pussy. I grabbeth it, not wearing it upon mine own head.
6. My time is not as others. I knoweth when I want to move and I decideth how to do it. I do not reveal my plans, lest they be countered by my enemies too early.
7. Behold! I have slapped a tariff on the Canuck, a friend, due to unfair practices of their country, as a pimp slappeth his bitch. I will not allow anyone to take unfair advantage of this country. If Congress will not open NAFTA because their donors love it, I will force their hand and take action.
8. Have I not enacted more legislation and executive orders than any of my predecessors in the last 50 years? Have I not taken action against oppressive regulations heaped upon this land?
9. Have I not approved the Keystone Pipeline? Have I not helped the Coal People? Have I not convinced China to buy our coal, and not the coal of a diminutive Fat Boy?
10. Have not illegal border crossings dropped? Are they not the lowest in 17 years?
11. Have I not imposed sanctions on 25 entities of Iran? Have they screamed “death to America” much lately? Have they captured a naval vessel of my Navy? Verily, verily I say nay, they have not.
12. Did I not place a 5 year ban on my subordinates from lobbying? Did I not give a lifetime ban on lobbying for foreign governments?
13. Did I not save 700 million dollars on the price of the F-35? Did I not sign legislation to assist Veterans to seek care where they seeth fit?
14. And have I not nominated a good man to the Court, and convinced a RINO to nuke mine enemy?
15. Did I not meet with foreign leaders? Did I not speak words to them that benefited this land? Did not China take some actions against the Round Mound of Korea?
16. This and other things I have done, yet will I do more. Congress draggeth their feet because they lovest their silver more than they love this country. Yet I must work with them to get what this country needs. I must work with the jackal and weasel. I must work with people of low approval and mind, for people electeth them. I did not choose them, yet I must work with them.
17. And it mattereth not with whom I consort because I will decide. I have built mine own empire before ascending the throne. I make mine own mind up. I seek counsel from my selections, but I maketh the calls.
18. There are bigly things yet to be accomplished, but there are snares laid out and the Cuck will move to trouble the waters. The Liberal whineth loudly, and sticketh their heads up their hind parts to stall. There will be strivings and afflictions to take on, as the black-robed Children of Obama have infested this land and rule against the Constitution. Yea, they pervert the way of our forebears.
19. Victory will be slow, too slow for some of my followers.
20. Look on the horizon for more to come. Look to the words of Pu and Rubbish. Look to the words of the Pink Ball of Unfathomable intellect. Let me know thy thoughts, but do not smite one another.
21. I will not make decisions rashly, as Custer did. I will not be denied my flowing locks. The battle is long and I have just begun.