Sparta Report

Chaz Bono: ICE Deported My Illegal Servants!

Chaz Bono is the man famous for not really being a man.  Think of him as the reverse Caitlyn Jenner.  You might also remember Chaz Bono from such washed-up celebrity reality shows as Dancing With The Stars.  Chaz Bono is also the daughter (son?) of living Barbie doll and running Twitter joke, Cher.

This is Cher on Twitter…all day, every day.

Chaz Bono is having itself an existential crisis.  Sunday Chaz Bono tweeted out some shocking, terrible news.  I’ll let the tweet speak for itself here:

Horror of horrors!  Chaz Bono’s housekeeper’s helper was ARRESTED by ICE!  Doubtless they were simply arrested for being “undocumented” workers trying to carve out their own little slice of the American dream.  How DARE ICE attempts to enforce immigration laws that have been on the books for decades!  This is an outrage!

chaz bono outrage

Twitter, of course, responded in a kind, polite, and-most importantly-understanding manner.  People were shocked and appalled that such a travesty could be committed right here in America in this day and age.  Chaz Bono received nothing but messages of love and support during this trying time.

HAH!  Just kidding.  Twitter raked Chaz Bono over the metaphorical Internet coals for tweeting something so mindlessly stupid.

Damn, son, that’s pretty harsh.  On the other hand…

You mean your housekeeper DOESN’T have a helper?  How gauche.  Where I come from even our servants servants have servants!

A perfectly valid question.  What DOES a housekeeper’s helper do?  Are there jobs that even a housekeeper won’t do?  Is Chaz Bono’s house so unbelievably filthy that a regular housekeeper just won’t cut it?  Is Chaz Bono’s housekeeper just lazy?  What does it all mean?  Why do my socks keep disappearing?

chaz bono get it

Of course I had to get a lick or two of my own in…

After hours of being savaged by every Average Joe on Twitter (and taking a time out to get into a fight with Sean Hannity), Chaz Bono FINALLY stepped in and clarified things for us poor rabble.

At least I THINK that was supposed to be a clarification.  I’m not really too sure what’s going on in that tweet.  I’ve seen Chaz’s mother tweet out more coherent things after washing down a bottle of Qualuudes with a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

chaz bono cher
Like this. This is WAY more coherent…

Congratulations, Chaz Bono.  You have officially won “Least Self-Aware Celebrity on Twitter.”  For today at least…

It’s the highlight of his career!

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