#NotMySuperBowlChamps Trends After Patriots STEAL The Super Bowl

I’ve just been informed that there was some sort of large sporting event last night called the “Super Bowl.”  Apparently this sporting event-something to do with “football” I think, whatever that is-is a yearly affair that attracts millions of viewers from all over the country.  One night out of the year football fans gather round their high-def flat screen TVs, consume copious amounts of beer and chicken wings, and yell and scream at players who can’t possibly hear them.  At least that’s what I’ve been able to glean from my various sources on Google, Twitter, and an old, dusty ouija board I found tucked into a secret compartment in my attic.

It’s fun, but some guy named Lucy-fer keeps talking about my soul…

 One would think that such a YUGE sporting event would be a fairly apolitical event.  One would, of course, be very, very wrong.  You see the two teams in the Super Bowl this year were the New England Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons.  Nobody likes the Patriots, you see.  The Patriots are a metaphor for everything wrong with this country.  They’re White America wrapped up in a jersey.  The Patriots are mean, arrogant, and are one of the best teams in the NFL.  Their head coach is a WHITE GUY.  Their quarterback is a WHITE GUY who CHEATS by ever so slightly deflating his balls before the big game.  The man likes to play with flat, flabby balls, which I’ve been informed is a BAD THING because CHEATER!

super bowl tom brady
Hating a guy who likes flaccid balls…seems a little homophobic to me…

The Patriots are from the Great WHITE North of New England.  They represent summer homes, the Hamptons, rich white folks, the elite, etc.  The Atlanta Falcons, by contrast, are from the South.  They are the representative of the downtrodden black man, fighting against the evils of the oppressive hatred of White America.  Why you ask?  BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP SAID THE PATRIOTS WOULD WIN!  That combined with the fact that Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady and Bill Belichick came out in support of Donald Trump turned the Super Bowl into a battle between Black America and Literally Hitler.

Uhh…I guess?

The Left was just so darn sure that the Patriots were going to be destroyed last night.  After all, they were in Literally Hitler’s corner.  The Falcons had the American people on their side.  How could the sheer evil of the Patriots triumph over the social justice goodness that is the Falcons?

Of course when the Falcons DIDN’T win the Left was sent into a tizzy the likes of which we haven’t seen since Hillary Clinton comically face planted into that glass ceiling.  #NotMySuperBowlChamps was sent into trending status on Twitter.  The Left, of course, took this hashtag completely seriously, and used it to voice their displeasure over White America triumphing over the forces of righteousness…AGAIN.

Of course like most liberal Twitter trends conservatives caught wind of #NotMySuperBowlChamps…and quickly went about the process of taking the piss out of each and every liberal who took it seriously.

I find this twit’s ideas intriguing, and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter:

And my personal favorite:

There are two lessons to be learned from #NotMySuperBowlChamps:

  1. Liberals, progressives, and social justice warriors will take it upon themselves to make literally anything into a race issue.
  2. Conservative Twitter will adeptly seek out liberal hashtags and club them to death in the most hilarious way possible.

Like a clown clubbing a baby seal…


Written by Radius

Radius refuses to post a bio. Website bios simply serve to prop up the cis-gendered patriarchy of the manocentric maleocracy. Also we must #Resist Trump because racism I guess.

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