Man-made Global Warming is Real!
The way I see it, about ½ the country believes anthropogenic climate change is real and ½ either believes it’s a fraud or are too busy living their lives to care. So here’s the plan: let’s all agree with the people who think it’s real and then do whatever we want in the name of saving the planet! Diabolical isn’t it? You just can’t have too much winning! The good thing is that if anyone ever catches on to what we’re doing, we’ll just deny it as “fake news!” and get Algore to do a movie.
The first thing to do is to fully fund a colony on Mars. “We go to Mars not because it is easy but because it will create a boatload of jobs and will ensure the survival of our species!” The survival of our species bit is bravo sierra of course but the left completely believes it. Consider our country now unified on this issue!
Just for completeness sake, why is ensuring the survival of our species by going to Mars bravo sierra? Andy Weir, the author of The Martian, gave a tremendously factual answer which was that no matter how bad the climate on Earth gets, Mars will be worse simply because if you leave your enclosure on Mars without an environmental suit, you die. It’s also a lot easier to build shelters on Earth, if that’s what’s necessary, than flying to Mars and lugging the materials and oxygen with you! If you want to see a liberal’s head explode, explain this to them.
What’s next. “We need to have a smaller carbon footprint by all people!” Of course, the real problem isn’t the carbon, it’s the fact there are people. In all of history, the way countries work out issues of overcrowding is declaring war and killing a bunch of people on both sides. A few nukes ought to solve some of the population problem but might create some additional environmental concerns. Besides, who would consider killing people as a cure for anything? (That’s a rhetorical question folks with an obvious answer but feel free to state it in the comments if you must).
So I think we’d be better off with a carbon tax. “Whoa there buckaroo! That sounds a lot one of them darn liberal ideas.” Nah, I just want to agree with the left so we can take some of their money to do what we want to do. Drawing on President Trump’s Executive Order where each new regulation requires the elimination of one other regulation, how about we fund the “carbon tax” by the reduction in actual dollars from current government programs? This is, after all, saving the world and everyone should be willing to suck it up a bit!
As an added benefit, all of the technology we develop we will make available to the entire world. But this is going to take a bit of seed money so we’ll be asking for $982,781B from the United Nations. (The “well it’s less than a trillion” shtick seemed to work with selling ObamaCare so let’s use it here as well).
The trick is what to do with the money? How about we spend it on cleaning up our rivers, lakes, and streams, improving our local “environment” (commonly referred to as “infrastructure”), and creating lovely wilderness areas for hunters and fisherman to kill things? Or just go there and take photos. Whatever floats your boat.
What else could we use our carbon tax for? Well, it should be obvious to everyone that there is only one source of sustainable energy and that’s fusion [Note 7]. The really swell thing is that we have a terrific fusion generator at our disposal. We call it “the sun.” Whether you’re talking about fossil fuel, wind, solar, passive heating, or ethanol, it’s all the same – converting the sun’s energy into something else and taking that something else and converting it into another something else that does something useful. I’m all in favor of using “the sun” in all its forms although some forms such as batteries in electric cars are just outrageously inefficient. Trundling electrons through wires from a power station is also so last century. We need to do things better just because we want a better life and that means jobs. And, oh yeah, save the planet, blah, blah, blah.
The point is that the left is totally entrenched in their beliefs on this issue and we can actually turn this to our advantage and actually do something that will benefit everyone now and in the future. I think President Trump is showing us the way when he says ““I’m a very big person when it comes to the environment. I’ve received awards on the environment.” Let’s do the math. Berkeley, California is about 10,880 acres and the average golf course is about 74 acres. That means we could build about 147 eighteen hole golf courses in the area Berkeley currently occupies. Wouldn’t that be a better use of the land?! And it’s all part of saving the planet. It’s a beautiful thing.
[Note 7] We could argue about fission but after the whole Fukashima thing, fission humor really isn’t all that much in vogue these days.