While on lockdown at a secure undisclosed location Uncle Bruno somehow gained possession of an Ouija Board and managed to garner an interview with the late Christopher Hitchens. Mr. Hitchens is presently residing at his own undisclosed location somewhere in The Great Beyond.
The following is a verbatim transcript of that conversation:
Uncle Bruno (UB): Hello Christopher. So glad you could find the time to chat with me today. So tell me, how are you finding accommodations in The After Life?
Christopher Hitchens (CH): Well, considering my well known previously stated opinion on the subject I must say I am pleasantly surprised.
UB: Surprised seems a bit of an understatement. Really though, what’s it like?
CH: From what I’ve experienced so far the best descriptor of my present residence is that of a hybrid between Pyongyang and Tehran. The food is often some variety of roasted goat, which gets tiresome. Still, as I grew up on British cuisine, I am able to tolerate it quite well.
Fortunately I was pleased to discover that all the dinner tables are in the Smoking Section. As a confirmed tobaccophile I have found that accommodation quite welcome.
The downside is the lack of a decent Scotch. I miss Mr. Walker’s marvelous elixir dearly.
UB: That must be hell for you.
CH: You are not very clever Uncle Bruno. I’ve been hearing that tired joke for what seems like an eternity.
UB: It’s the best I’ve got.
UB: Let’s get down to brass tax (self-satisfied snicker). Since you departed this Mortal Coil your Number One nemesis, Radical Islam, seems to be holding it’s own against, if not gaining, on The West. Your thoughts?
CH: Europe is, pardon the pun, dead to me now. The aggregate failure of the European elites to recognize the existential danger Radical Islam presents to Western Civilization is stunning even to a confirmed cynic such as myself. The mass importation of Syrian refugees, the majority of whom are young men with no desire to become Westernized in any manner is something I thought I’d never live to see.
UB: Uh, Christopher…
CH: Yes. It’s a manner of speech. You understand the point I am making, do you not?
UB: Yes, of course. You just took me aback momentarily.
CH: I live to shock. See, I did it again.
UB: What are your thoughts about Donald Trump?
CH: The merger of politics and entertainment is nothing new. All civilizations in decline pass through such a phase. Trump gets credit for understanding that fact and for being nimble and opportunistic enough to surf that wave. As for his opponent, Mrs. Clinton, well, there is a stench of decay around her campaign right now. If the electorate chooses her then I fear democracy in the West will find itself extinguished in short order. Brexit will end up having been the last death thrashings of a culture gone extinct.
UB: Well, that’s a lovely sentiment.
CH: One of the advantages of being dead is not having to sugar-coat one’s opinions anymore.
UB: You’re being modest. Sugar coating was never your style, Christopher.
CH: Yes. And neither was modesty.
UB: And on that point of agreement, I need to conclude the interview. Thank you for your time and your candor.
CH: You’re welcome. Oddly enough, time is all I have these days. Please extend my best wishes to all the, what is you call them, cementers, at Hot Gas.
UB: Will do! Until later then.
CH: Until later.