BREAKING: Gwyneth Paltrow selling $15,000, 24 carat gold dildo

[Thanks to Patrick Pulatie for digging up this story]

Is your personal lubricant non-toxic? 

In the first ever sex issue of the Goop newsletter, perfectly timed for Women’s Health Week, Paltrow makes it her personal mission to find a recipe for a 100% organic lube that “will turn the driest of deserts into your own personal slip ‘n slide.” She was inspired by the fictional character Frankie Bergstein, played by Lily Tomlin on the Netflix comedy Grace and Frankie, who has a running joke about developing yam lube.

…we set out to find a lube that comes close and meets the standards of the goop clean beauty shop—and to the joy of parched vaginas everywhere, we did.

The newsletter and related blog post happen to be sponsored by Netflix, which appears to have created this video just for Goop:

Sadly, Paltrow never does give us a lube recipe, but she does offer a guide to some pretty amazing sex toys, including some fancy ben wa balls (can be used warmed or cooled!) and a 24 carat gold dildo (for only $15,000!).  This isn’t the first time Paltrow has given some serious thought to our vaginas; there was that time she recommended that we try vaginal steaming.

Paltrow has made an art of capitalizing on the public’s tendency to mock her.Remember when she added ludicrously expensive items to her holiday gift guide? Yup, she was trolling us, as Anjali Mullany describes in this article.

And here’s our in-depth feature about Paltrow’s business empire.

About Fossten✓ᵀᴿᵁᴹᴾᴵᴬᴺ♔ 1534 Articles
Co-Founder and CFO of Sparta Report. Strong advocate of Jeffersonian Democracy. Plays golf and video games. Resides in Charleston, South Carolina, where he will live out the rest of his days unless God picks him up bodily and puts him somewhere else.

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